Saturday, March 23, 2013

You Gave Me Wings and Taught me to Fly!

Well, it wont let me post the video on here, which is stupid or I just struggle.
So here is the link!
But this is for my Best friend :)

P.S. Let me know if it doesn't work! ;)

The Before....(x2)

Well my call should be here any day now. Today I texted Susan Lish (Bishops Wife) to see the status on the papers, she said that I had been assigned and they were just waiting to hear where I was going. I ran out to the mailbox to see if it was there. I knew it was very unlikely for it to come on a Saturday but you just really never know anymore. It was not there. I am just really hoping that it comes on Monday now, I know that its very unlikely but if it comes any day after that I will be at school and it will be torture waiting till Friday to open it.  Jeannie my best friends Mom, told me of a person who recorded there feelings of before there call arrived so this is my way of doing it I guess.
  • I freak myself out daily, why? Because I hate secrets, I feel like this secret is being kept between the mailman and everyone else. I try to think of where I will be going, if I will be disappointed in where I have been called, if I will have to learn a new language, or even when I will be leaving. I cannot even focus on school because this takes my mind over and fills every single bit of my brain. I cant focus!!
  • I feel very inadequate, I know I do have some time to prepare still, and I am trying to get this last semester over so I can move home and be more focused, but until then I am trying to stay positive. I know that Satan has a lot to do with making me feel like I wont be able to do it, but I also know that the Lord, my heavenly father is, and will be walking by my side every step of the way as well.
  • I have having a hard time with the fact that when I have a bad day, I cant pick up my phone and call my best friend Devanne, who always makes things so much better, I can tell anything, understands me at my best, and tell me I am stupid over worrying about a stupid boy.
  • My nephews. and Hazzzzyyy Babbyyy. Are. My. World. My life basically revolves around them. I struggle with the fact that Mavryck and Hazy wont even know or remember me when I get home. Even talking on the phone to Trayton can make my day turn around, and Ryder's meows and ruffs as him pretending to be animals play through my mind as I imagine his big blue eyes stare up at me. These kids put the stars in the sky for me and the thought of leaving them breaks my heart to pieces. (this is my main struggle I think).
  • Now I am done with the negative
  • I am so excited for the fact that I will be able to lead others unto Christ, to let them feel the love that I feel surround me. to teach them the only true church and the gospel that will be able to enrich their lives if they listen and feel the spirit and get baptized.
  • I want them to know what a forever family feels like.
  • Receive blessings to fulfill and enrich their lives.
  • I have a testimony, it could definitely be stronger, but I know what no matter what happens on my mission, that the lord will allow for my testimony to grow in ways that I cannot even imagine. (I want to be able to bear my testimony and not worry about what I will say)
  • I want to be able to make just one difference in ONE persons life.
I am super duper excited :) I feel that I do not only want to go on this mission to serve the lord. But I am also excited to learn responsibility, grow up, and learn how to do hard things without my mom. *No offense to my mom I love her help and support and direction.* But I also know its going to take some trial runs to grow up. As much as I love my mom being my best friend, I need to figure some things out on my own I am afraid.

And last but not least, I want to touch on some random things, I am scared when I come home that I will be awkward around boys, I don't want to be the weird returned missionary girl that's awkward to be around. Also when the missionary idea came up I was absolutely against learning a new language, and leaving the country. Now, the idea has grown on me to where I feel that if I don't leave the States that I may just be a little bit disappointed. In state seems safe, out of state seems like a mysterious adventure. I know that I will be happy with wherever I go, its just that I need to know soon before I go absolutely crazy!!!

I always told people that if I was 21 and not married, I would go on a mission. Well the age changed to 19. Here I am going to be 19 in about two months and there is no man close to making me not single anytime soon.  :) so why not a  mission right? I am definitely ready for this adventure and I hope you readers are in for the adventure as well with me.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Atelphobia. Not Good Enough? I doubt it!

Never had I questioned myself on the fact that I wanted to go on a mission or not after I knew it was the right thing for me. But satan sure has made me feel inadequate, judged, and not worthy. I have difficulty telling people that I am going on a mission, in fact a lot of people that should know still don't. This is very important and hard for me to explain, but I feel that I need to write this so I don't forget about it.

Atelphobia; The fear of not being good enough
-Satan puts this disease in my mind every single day

In my past I have never done anything that would come between me and my goals in church such as a mission, and a temple marriage. But, my actions around others have not always shown the BEST me that I could and should have been. And in that Satan definitely lately has made me feel very inadequate to serve a mission. And realizing that, it gave me such more motivation to let the things of my past go and move forward.  Dieter F. Uchtdorf said: Dont judge me because I sin differently than you! And its so true, people are going to feel the way they do no matter what anyone says so there is no reason to try to prove them wrong. I AM A GOOD PERSON. I have not done anything I cant learn from and I know that those mistakes have made me who I am today, and I am not going to let the opinion of others keep me from serving the lord.

I dont need negativity during this exciting time in my life, and I have learned that I need to overcome the harder things to enjoy the better things in life. If people try to get in your way of doing that, you dont need them there.

So from now on I am goign to stop worrying about the bad things because it is keeping me from enjoying the good. And why miss out on that?
     - If you know me well enough or follow me on Pinterest, I am a quote FINATIC! I am in love I search for quotes daily and that is what keeps me motivated to do good! So, I am sure you will be seeing these quotes and things on here almost always! :) #sorrynotsorry.

P.S. So who wants to know I am going on a mission now! :)


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

What did I get myself into!?!....

So I woke up February 17... Sunday morning and I got my butt out of bed. (Nine o'clock church kills me) . I go to Diana Harris' class because I absolutely love to hear her teach, even though its the class for high schoolers. Having no idea that this big event was going to take place I walked into Sunday School. We have a lesson on the Plan of Salvation and we were going from different rooms throughout the church house. We met in the Bishops office as earth. (Previously I had told Gary I needed to talk to the Bishop.) Diana Harris' dad was in the room and he passed away, *object lesson. He had served a amazing life and he would return home to the Lord. As all of us not taking this very seriously Diana started crying and everything got very serious. She didnt want to lose her dad.. She said that she was greatful for the fact that families CAN be together forever. And my tears were released. I had an overhwhelming feeling that I was indeed going to go on a mission, I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. I wanted to leave my family for 18 short months, so that others could be with theirs for eternity.

No longer was I stressed out by the fact that I had a very important decision to be made, because it had just been decided through the spirit and the plan of salvation through the lord. I kept myself sitting in the bishops office and as they cleared the room out I started shaking. I was excited, scared, overwhelmed, and emotional.

I love my Bishop :) Bishop Brian Lish. He was my pa on Trek and seriously he is the most kind, caring, forgiving, amazing, inspiring, person. He understands struggles and he can truly show that he loves everyone! He was so happy for me and We made an appointment to open my papers monday night@ 7 PM.

And then I realized walking in to sacrement that I had not even told or mentioned anything to my Mom.........
Anyone knows that this would not be any easy task done with out:
- ALOT of tears
-ALOT of tissues
-ALOT of hugs
-NOT ALOT of talking

Without the help of my beautiful Diana Harris, I proabably wouldnt have told my mom that day, but I did and Isurvived and, I am still here today! :)

Sometimes on days like that day and I look back and think.... Hmmmm, what did I get myself into?!?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

THE before...

THE before...
dun dun dun
As ominous as this sounds it really is not that dramatic, many people have heard of the "Announcement" on general confrence day. Well we made our family jokes and we went on our way. Well with many questions after that from family, are you going to go? My reply was always no!

You see, I have this thing, I do not like to be the same as many people. Its actually a very big struggle for me, throughout my high school years it got better. For example, if someone had or wore the same shirt as me one day I would not wear that shirt again until I knew that they were either not going to wear it or they didnt have it anymore. I dont know why its such a big deal, but,, its just something I struggle with. So, back to the subject with all these missionaries leaving my age I wasent so keen on the idea of following the crowd.

I mean, I always said to others, if I am not married at 21 I will go on a mission. So, 19 came around, and I was not married. So I mean why not right? But that didnt necessarily mean I was going still. I prayed... ALOT!! and nothing happened. I wanted to go, i just didnt know that I should.

So.. one night I came home from work, it had been a very long day!!! I wasent happy, I was not doing well in school, and I just was not motivated to do anything. I was sick and tired of praying for something I was not getting the answer to and I was just done, I thought the lord was making it clear that a mission was not my forte. I walked in my Home, (Brandon and Shantels) and shantel was sitting there. Now let me tell ya a little about Shantel. (this is so important she deserves a new paragraph.) :)

Shantel is a blessing in disguise. I WANT TO BE LIKE HER WHEN.... AND IF I GROW UP. She is so patient, beautiful, and she understands. She is my psychiatrist and I can seriously tell her anything! She never raises her voice ever and she is a mom that I pray that I can be someday.

I walk in awaiting her smile, she knew the idea of a mission was weighing on me and knew that there was alot of frustration inside me. So, without fail her almost daily question came up. "Are you going to go on a mission, Sarah?" I sat down with  my daily answer as "I dont know". She then said one thing that I will never ever forget. She told me to pray as if you are going on a mission and that you feel that it is the right answer for me and then you give it sometime to see how you feel. I then decided I needed to finish the Book Of Mormon before I decided anything for real. I gave myself to the end of february and I was just about halfway through Alma, It was definatley do able. And so that began.